Learn more about what you’re facing

For women, anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease triggered by a real or perceived threat. Excessive worry and fear occurring daily, sudden episodes of intense fear triggering severe physical reactions, overly anxious and self-conscious in social settings, or experiencing acute and extreme fear over an object or situation are serious symptoms associated with different anxiety disorders.

Biological and psychological differences place women at the top for anxiety disorders at a rate of two-to-one. For women, puberty to age fifty hold many factors that can contribute to these higher rates, including:

• Female hormones more easily activate a longer-acting fight-or-flight response.

• Females are more sensitive to low levels of a hormone that organizes the stress response.

• Exacerbated symptoms during a woman's menstrual cycle, postpartum, and menopause.

• Women more often experience residual anxiety from unsafe environmental factors, abuse, violence, and trauma.

Anxiety Disorders that women are at higher risk of experiencing include:

• Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Panic Disorder and Panic Attacks

• Social Anxiety Disorder

• Separation Anxiety

• Phobia-related Disorders

When most of your waking hours are dominated by the following symptoms, it would be essential to know that you are not experiencing "STRESS"; instead, you may have a serious anxiety disorder that needs responsible assessment and treatment.

• Sense of restlessness, unable to sit still, nervous, or tense posture.

• Sense of impending danger, panic, or doom.

• Having the urge to avoid people and places that are triggering.

• Increased heart rate.

• Breathing rapidly. (hyperventilation)

• Sweating and trembling.

• Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry.

• Intrusive thoughts, fear-based thoughts.

• Anticipating harm without facts to support.

• Catastrophizing.

• Inability to fall asleep, stay asleep or premature awakening.

• Experiencing chronic gastrointestinal (GI) problems.

"Just relax!", "Calm down!", "Don't overreact!" or "Think positively," although well-intended comments, can increase anxiety symptoms or an anxiety attack. Women with anxiety disorders know that relaxing or calming down doesn't happen as quickly for them as it does for others.

Understanding why women have higher rates of debilitating anxiety disorders can be vital for proper treatment approaches. We want to help you understand and gain the internal resources necessary to regulate your thoughts and emotions when anxiety is present.

For women, partner betrayal can be traumatic and is experienced as a violation of trust by a significant other who uses deception and manipulation to put more time, emotional energy, sexual energy, or resources into another person or entity. This may occur with emotional and sexual affairs, pornography, cybersex, hookups, flirting, sexting, frequenting massage parlors or strip clubs, soliciting prostitutes, viewing child pornography, exhibiting sexual fetishes, cross-dressing, or involvement in an undisclosed relationship with the same sex. Trauma reactions to infidelity include patterns of recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive thoughts and memories, self-deprecating thoughts, hypervigilance and mood dysregulation, and use of avoidance to cope. In time, integrating the pain of betrayal into a healing mind and body restores trust in self and security in safe relationships.

Learning how to regain self-confidence through the healing acts of self-compassion is where we began our work with women who have experienced the trauma of sexual and emotional betrayal by a partner.

The mental health diagnosis of Depression, Anxiety, and Complex Grief that has historically been associated with infidelity and betrayal trauma is now being upgraded in psychology and psychiatry to include Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

In telling their stories, survivors of partner betrayal report significant changes in their mood, thoughts, and behavior after learning of their partners' infidelity. The collection of these changes is now recognized as symptoms that may suggest a more comprehensive diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The five criteria associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder include experiences and patterns of:

1) Threatening Experiences (Emotionally, Sexually, Physically, Spiritually)

The very violation of trust, security, and love that occurs when the reality of infidelity is accepted threatens both our body and core being as women. Biologically, the hormones adrenaline and cortisol continue to be overproduced in the body and alert pending danger of loss.

In response to such threat or trauma, our body's innate protective wiring triggers a state of FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE when facing this real threat to physical, emotional, and spiritual safety.

2) Hypervigilance

FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE response intends to alert us to the immediate need to resolve the experienced threat and restore safety. Sadly, the ongoing threats and injuries of sexual betrayal led to an unhealthy state of chronic fear and anxiety known as hypervigilance. In time, constantly being on the lookout for signs of danger deteriorate healthy functioning and coping.

The inability to "resolve the threat and restore safety" to the relationship keeps the body and mind in a FIGHT, FLIGHT, OR FREEZE state. This may lead to co-occurring medical conditions, mental health, or addiction conditions.

3) Intrusive Thoughts/Memories

To prevent a recurrence of an experienced threat, the amygdala and hippocampus, where the FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE response occurs in the brain, record all fear and anxiety-based events. Consequently, this leads to recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive thoughts that can manifest in detailed dreams, feelings of anxiousness, and the reliving of painful memories.

4) Avoidance Behaviors

Fear in relationships results from a fear of love being taken away. The experience of partner betrayal leads to the chronic fear of rejection and abandonment. Avoiding distressing, trauma-related thoughts, feelings, memories, places, and people, associated with the betrayal becomes paramount and believed to be the only way to cope and survive another day. Engaging in avoidant behaviors can range from refusing to talk about or admit what has happened to mood-altering behaviors such as compulsive working, eating, spending, sleeping, or abusing substances such as alcohol, prescription medication, or illicit drugs.

5) Negative Thoughts and Mood Dysregulation

Turning the trauma of betrayal inward and blaming the self is a typical first response to infidelity's shocking "unreality." Daily self-inventories reveal perceived failures to look and perform a certain way and fuel obsessive thinking about what the betraying partner is doing, thinking, feeling, and needing. Much time and energy can figure out what it will take to circumvent further rejection or abandonment. Such self-deprecating thoughts are painful to think about and therefore spawn painful emotions that, in time, lead to predictable shifts in thinking and mood.

For some women, the emotion of anger and the need to feel in control will prevail over feelings of intolerable fear, deep sadness, and abandonment. The powerfulness of anger can adequately numb any uncomfortable thought and emotion to deny what one can and cannot change.

Learning to pay attention to your thoughts and emotions intentionally will, in time, allow you to discover ways to integrate the pain of betrayal into a healing mind and move forward.

Recovery:

Women are infinitely resourceful and resilient beings who can and will heal when the internal pain of change is met with honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness.

Healing from betrayal trauma is an inside job and involves:

Safety:

Establishing personal security and safety in other meaningful relationships is an essential first step in long-term healing and recovery. Safety within, repaired and rebuilt through acts of honesty, ownership, and accountability. Safety with others is restored and rebuilt in the community of others' likeminded and intentions.

Acceptance through Change:

Safety first gives way to accepting a problem, understanding our experiences and behavior related to the problem, preparing to change, and taking the necessary steps and action for change.

Boundaries:

In safety, we eventually turn away from self-blame towards actions of setting boundaries for ourselves and others when needed. Establishing and utilizing a support network is vital as we face the challenges of fear and inappropriate guilt that can stop us from setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.

Thought & Mood Regulation:

With newfound resolve and approach to self-compassion is how we learn to discipline the overwhelmed mind and regulate painful emotions that have taken the place of a once known reality of self-assurance, trust, security, and love. Mindfulness, breathwork, trauma-sensitive yoga, and therapy install the skills needed to be responsible for and care for ourselves.

Sustaining Community:

Finding our way back to the truth about who we are and our inherent worth as women is a journey worth traveling together as women. When you are ready, you will be accepted where you are and with the wounds, you courageously attempt to cover every day.

We are "that place"; we are a community of "women like me" waiting to affirm the truth of your story and assert the healing your heart needs.

Women with Bipolar Disorder experience extreme shifts in mood ranging from emotional highs known as mania or hypomania to emotional lows of depression or suicidality. Although feelings of euphoria and frenetic energy mark manic episodes for women, they are followed by depressive episodes that leave them despondent about the realities of daily life. For women whose symptoms are unmanaged, the cyclic nature of opposing moods and behaviors create reoccurring financial, relational, sexual, and social consequences for them and their loved ones.

Depressive episodes include five or more of these symptoms:

• Persistent sadness or unexplained crying spells.

• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, indifference.

• Irritability, anger, worry, agitation, anxiety.

• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness.

• Decreased energy or fatigue.

• Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping.

• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities.

• Moving or talking slowly.

• Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still.

• Inability to concentrate and make decisions.

• Difficulty with memory and recall.

• Increase or decrease in appetite or weight.

• Unexplained aches or pains, headaches, or digestive problems without a physical or medical cause.

• Engaging in self-harming behavior for relief.

• Thoughts of death or suicide attempts.

Both a manic and a hypomanic episode include three or more of these symptoms:

• Prolonged period of elation.

• Increased goal-directed activities.

• Racing thoughts.

• Pressured rapid speech.

• Inability to sleep or require less sleep.

• Feelings of grandiosity with unrealistic ideas or plans.

• Feelings of exaggerated self-confidence.

• Irritability, agitation, or excessive energy.

• Impaired judgment, Impulsiveness.

• Hypersexual Behavior.

• Overspending.

• Hedonistic Behaviors: engaged in the pursuit of pleasure; sensually self-indulgent.

In severe cases delusions or hallucinations Learning to live a balanced life is the challenge women with bipolar disorder face. Accepting responsibility for self-care is where the journey from mania or depression begins.

We understand the biological, relational, and spiritual toll that this disorder takes on the lives of women – we can help you find a balance that honors you and your unique personality.

The loving nature of women thrives on authentic connection with others and the security of true love with a partner. Women who struggle with Intimacy Disorders have difficulty developing, maintaining, and expressing appropriate levels of emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and sexual intimacy in relationships due to deeply rooted insecurities driven by fear of vulnerability, rejection, and abandonment. For women, the trauma of childhood attachment injuries can lead to a lifelong search for intimacy and value in the brokenness of Codependency, Love Addiction, and Sex Addiction. Learning to speak, behave, and self-protect in open and honest ways is the mark of healthy vulnerability and provider of intimacy in a relationship.

Women are uniquely designed for deep connections with others and long to have meaningful conversations and fulfilling experiences with those they love and respect.

Intimacy requires a foundation of unconditional regard and is defined as a freedom to be "my true self" in the expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs, without the risk of judgment or criticism.

For women, adverse childhood experiences of neglect, abuse, abandonment, and trauma can create a fear of intimacy that profoundly affects their ability to experience and express intimacy with themselves and others. Often, intensity in a romantic relationship is mistaken for intimacy or love.

Research has shown that women who experience abuse and trauma are substantially at higher risk for Substance Addiction and Intimacy Disorders.

Codependency and Love and Sex Addiction are Intimacy Disorders.

Codependency: An immature emotional dependency on relationships defined by patterns of compulsive caretaking, rescuing, and attempts to control, in response to deep-seated fears of losing someone (being abandoned) or not getting something significant from them (rejection). The great need to be needed is translated into repeated acts of giving time, emotion, energy, and resources that are not reciprocated. The inability to set boundaries and identify one's own needs can lead to years of neglect, abuse, and failure to find worth and value outside of relationships where you are the "GIVER," and they are the "TAKER."

Whether codependency, love addiction, or sex addiction, Intimacy Disorders will leave women broken and searching for worth and value where it does not exist- in another human being.

Fostering a sense of closeness in significant relationships, whether platonic or romantic requires a degree of trust and safety and achievement of different types of intimacy.

Types of intimacy that can be achieved in relationships include:

• Emotional intimacy: authentic sharing of personal feelings and emotional experiences.

• Intellectual Intimacy: satisfying and stimulating communication about thoughts, opinions, beliefs, preferences, visions, or dreams.

• Experiential Intimacy: closely sharing in an experience or event or physical activity that requires cooperative action, teamwork, or moving in unison to accomplish a goal or preferred outcome.

• Spiritual Intimacy: expressing personal values, philosophies for living, religious beliefs, or sharing in acts of worship, a poignant moment, or ceremonial rituals.

• Sexual Intimacy: sharing in mutually pleasing sexual acts in a manner that strengthens safety, trust, and emotional connection for both partners.

For women with Intimacy Disorders, the vulnerability required to risk being intimate in a relationship must be accompanied by an expectation of trustworthiness, understanding, and demonstration of caring from those with whom they are seeking intimacy.

Healing from the abuse and trauma at the root of intimacy disorder is a process. You will know that you are healing and on the path of recovery when you begin to experience and expect your primary relationships to offer you these qualities.

1. Trustworthiness has been established based on other persons reliable actions and respect for accountability.

2. Important information is relayed openly and honestly, even in conflict or lack of agreement.

3. Self-disclosure of thoughts, needs, desires, and dreams are encouraged and responded to with curiosity, acceptance, and willingness for discussion.

4. Emotional risk-taking is met with patience, sensitivity, and a request for clarification if there is a lack of understanding.

5. A sense of security is formed from experiences of acceptance when addressing differences or conflict.

6. Independence to maintain contact with family and form other social relationships are supported and encouraged.

7. Willingness to be included in activities for shared experiences and growing new interests together.

8. Cooperation and willingness to work together to accomplish a mutually rewarding outcome.

For women living with depression, daily life is marked by persistent feelings of sadness, despairing thoughts, anxiousness, irritability, frequent mood changes, fatigue, and loss of interest and pleasure in activities they once found to be enjoyable.

Biological and hormonal factors unique to women put them at greater risk for certain forms of depression at different stages in life and self-harming behaviors and suicidal ideations. These include:

• Premenstrual Syndrome

• Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder

• Perinatal Depression

• Postpartum Depression

• Perimenopausal Depression

A combination of other genetic, biological, environmental, social, and psychological factors places women at risk for the following Depressive Disorders.

• Major Depressive Disorder

• Persistent Depressive Disorder (also called dysthymia)

• Seasonal Affective Disorder

• Bipolar Disorder

If you have been experiencing any of the following signs or symptoms for the last two weeks, you may be suffering from depression.

• Persistent sadness or unexplained crying spells.

• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism, indifference.

• Irritability, anger, worry, agitation, anxiety.

• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness.

• Decreased energy or fatigue.

• Difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or oversleeping.

• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities.

• Moving or talking slowly.

• Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still.

• Inability to concentrate and make decisions.

• Difficulty with memory and recall.

• Increase or decrease in appetite or weight.

• Unexplained aches or pains, headaches, or digestive problems without a physical or medical cause.

• Engaging in self-harming behavior for relief.

• Thoughts of death or suicide attempts.

For women, "Being Strong" is often the first defense against symptoms of depression that are counter to our natural ways of thinking, feeling, and being.

We dedicate our efforts to helping you find the combination of therapies that will improve your depression symptoms.

For women who look to numbers and images of others for their sense of beauty and worth, the internal dialogues on imperfection and failure are resounding. Women with eating disorders engage in patterns of disturbed eating or weight control behaviors that severely disrupt daily functioning. Disturbed eating behaviors may include restricting food intake, adhering to strict dietary rules, extreme preoccupations with food, and ritualistic mealtime behaviors. Disturbed weight control behavior can consist of excessive exercise, self-induced vomiting, and misuse of laxatives and diuretics. Eating disorders include Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Atypical Eating Disorders, including Disordered Eating.

For women, eating disorders cause tremendous harm physically, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually and often lead to increased feelings of shame, isolation, and a sense that the disordered eating behavior is no longer within their control.

The ability to disguise one's disordered eating, if sustained, eventually gives way to dramatic personality changes, fatigue, apathy, social withdrawal, and extreme preoccupation with food, weight, and shape.

In the face of underlying trauma or challenging experiences or relationships that bring feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or deep grief, patterns of disturbed eating or weight control behaviors become the primary source of comfort and relief.

In time, medical consequences of such coping patterns rage war within the body. They may lead to tooth decay, lowered hormone levels, bone density loss, more severe heart conditions, and in extreme circumstances, death.

Eating disorders include Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Atypical Eating Disorders.

Anorexia Nervosa is often developed during adolescence and, if not treated, can continue into adulthood. Approximately 2% of women will be affected by Anorexia Nervosa at some point in their lives.

Women with Anorexia Nervosa experience the following symptoms:

• Extreme thinness, weighing less than 85% of recommended weight for their age and height.

• An intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat despite being underweight.

• Viewing their body as much larger than it is in reality. This negative evaluation of body shape has a considerable effect on self-evaluation.

• Women who have started menstruating experience amenorrhea or missing at least three periods in a row.

• Eating very little and exercising excessively.

• Binge eating/purging behaviors, including vomiting after eating or laxative misuse.

• Anorexia Nervosa is associated with severe medical complications, resulting in death.

Women with Bulimia Nervosa experience the following symptoms:

• Recurrent episodes of binge eating. A binge is a) the consumption of an amount of food that is larger than most people would eat in similar circumstances, b) within a limited time of two hours.

• A feeling of losing control and overeating during the binge.

• Recurrent inappropriate behavior that aims to compensate for the binge eating episodes. This includes excessive exercise, self-induced vomiting, fasting, or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas.

• Binge eating and compensatory behavior are frequent, occurring at least twice a week for three months.

• Body weight and shape have an undue influence on self-evaluation.

Binge Eating Disorder in women is characterized by periods of binge eating without compensatory behavior such as vomiting or excessive exercise and the following symptoms:

• Feeling out of control overeating behaviors.

• Eating more rapidly than average.

• Periods of uncontrolled, impulsive, or continuous eating to uncontrollably full.

• Eating when not physically hungry.

• Eating alone because of feeling ashamed and disgusted about eating behaviors.

• Repeated episodes of binge-eating, often resulting in feelings of shame or guilt.

• Eating in secret.

The path to recovery for each woman holds body restoration, the normalization of weight and food intake, the ridding of self-harming behaviors- binging, purging, or restricting, and the capacity to self-regulate emotions and center one's mind.

As we provide responsible focus on the behaviors and disciplines necessary to recover from eating disorders, we emphasize the very significance and equal importance of relationships and a deep understanding of self.

When you are ready, you will find freedom in the behavioral structure of recovery. In the spiritual practices of self-compassion, you will find yourself. Together, we will walk this path slowly and kindly.

As deep as a woman's love so is her grief when faced with loss. Losing someone we love or being prevented from securing something we value can create various emotional responses, from depression to anger to acceptance. The longing to recapture, regain or repair what we have lost can be marked by waves of intense sadness and tremendous sorrow. For women, processing and reprocessing the stages of grief is normal; however, grief symptoms that intensify rather than subside over time may indicate more complex or complicated grief.

For women, psychological factors such as unexpected losses, loss of an individual who abused or traumatized you, or death that occurred before necessary closure was reached, can also lead to complicated grief.

When symptoms of grief reach a certain severity level, and seeking professional support is critical in receiving a proper diagnosis and an appropriate plan for treatment.

Symptoms of complicated grief include:

• Feelings of shock, in a daze, or in total confusion.

• Intense sorrow and longing for the deceased.

• Refusal to move or relocate personal belongings of the deceased.

• Avoidance of people, places, or things that are reminders of the loss.

• Identity and role confusion, questioning of purpose.

• Feeling emotionally numb during most waking hours.

• Lack of ability to envision or desire to pursue a new interest.

• Difficulty with trusting others or environments.

• Feeling bitter or angry about the loss.

• Difficulty maintaining current or investing in new relationships.

• Continuously comparing another to the deceased .

• Feeling that life is and will be meaningless since the loss.

Although the experience of grief is unique to every woman; our nature to be relational and protective of others hurting is the same. Accepting that our suffering does not need to be experienced in isolation is an act of self-compassion. Limiting the process of grief to the privacy of our minds and body can lead to long-suffering.

There are ways to move forward in life and begin to heal. We start by telling our story to someone who will walk through the pain with us and direct our path forward.

The loving nature of women thrives on authentic connection with others and the security of true love with a partner. Women who struggle with Intimacy Disorders have difficulty developing, maintaining, and expressing appropriate levels of emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and sexual intimacy in relationships due to deeply rooted insecurities driven by fear of vulnerability, rejection, and abandonment. For women, the trauma of childhood attachment injuries can lead to a lifelong search for intimacy and value in the brokenness of Codependency, Love Addiction, and Sex Addiction. Learning to speak, behave, and self-protect in open and honest ways is the mark of healthy vulnerability and provider of intimacy in a relationship.

Women are uniquely designed for deep connections with others and long to have meaningful conversations and fulfilling experiences with those they love and respect.

Intimacy requires a foundation of unconditional regard and is defined as a freedom to be "my true self" in the expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs, without the risk of judgment or criticism.

For women, adverse childhood experiences of neglect, abuse, abandonment, and trauma can create a fear of intimacy that profoundly affects their ability to experience and express intimacy with themselves and others. Often, intensity in a romantic relationship is mistaken for intimacy or love.

Research has shown that women who experience abuse and trauma are substantially at higher risk for Substance Addiction and Intimacy Disorders.

Codependency and Love and Sex Addiction are Intimacy Disorders.

Codependency: An immature emotional dependency on relationships defined by patterns of compulsive caretaking, rescuing, and attempts to control, in response to deep-seated fears of losing someone (being abandoned) or not getting something significant from them (rejection). The great need to be needed is translated into repeated acts of giving time, emotion, energy, and resources that are not reciprocated. The inability to set boundaries and identify one's own needs can lead to years of neglect, abuse, and failure to find worth and value outside of relationships where you are the "GIVER," and they are the "TAKER."

Love Addiction: A behavioral or process addiction that is characterized by an obsession with romance and compulsion to seek out romantic partners to increase a sense of security and self-worth. The intensity and infatuation felt in early stages of a romance are fueled by the seductiveness and power of the person being pursued. Sadly, the fantasy of commitment is met with realities of loneliness, emptiness, and abandonment. The emotional withdrawals of unfulfilled "LOVE" led to new obsessions and pursuits to find "TRUE LOVE."

Sex Addiction: Whereas the need for secure attachment drives love addiction, research has shown that women sex addicts tend to use sex for power, control, and attention and prefer to do so using pornography, fantasy sex, seductive role sex, trading sex, and pain exchange. Sex Addiction is a behavioral or process addiction that is characterized by a pattern of excessive sex-related acts that take priority in daily life, an inability to limit time dedicated to sex-related acts, attempts to hide the extent of involvement in sex-related acts from friends or loved ones, and continuations of sex-related acts after exposure or serious medical, legal, or relational consequences. The rituals of seeking and securing means to engage in sex-related acts are equally essential and become the organizing factor for each day.

Women being just as suspectable to sex addiction, are more commonly diagnosed as love or relationship addicts when in fact, they exhibit the intensely physical realities of sexual addiction.

Whether codependency, love addiction, or sex addiction, Intimacy Disorders will leave women broken and searching for worth and value where it does not exist- in another human being.

Fostering a sense of closeness in significant relationships, whether platonic or romantic requires a degree of trust and safety and achievement of different types of intimacy.

Types of intimacy that can be achieved in relationships include:

• Emotional intimacy: authentic sharing of personal feelings and emotional experiences.

• Intellectual Intimacy: satisfying and stimulating communication about thoughts, opinions, beliefs, preferences, visions, or dreams.

• Experiential Intimacy: closely sharing in an experience or event or physical activity that requires cooperative action, teamwork, or moving in unison to accomplish a goal or preferred outcome.

• Spiritual Intimacy: expressing personal values, philosophies for living, religious beliefs, or sharing in acts of worship, a poignant moment, or ceremonial rituals.

• Sexual Intimacy: sharing in mutually pleasing sexual acts in a manner that strengthens safety, trust, and emotional connection for both partners.

For women with Intimacy Disorders, the vulnerability required to risk being intimate in a relationship must be accompanied by an expectation of trustworthiness, understanding, and demonstration of caring from those with whom they are seeking intimacy.

Healing from the abuse and trauma at the root of intimacy disorder is a process. You will know that you are healing and on the path of recovery when you begin to experience and expect your primary relationships to offer you these qualities.

1. Trustworthiness has been established based on other persons reliable actions and respect for accountability.

2. Important information is relayed openly and honestly, even in conflict or lack of agreement.

3. Self-disclosure of thoughts, needs, desires, and dreams are encouraged and responded to with curiosity, acceptance, and willingness for discussion.

4. Emotional risk-taking is met with patience, sensitivity, and a request for clarification if there is a lack of understanding.

5. A sense of security is formed from experiences of acceptance when addressing differences or conflict.

6. Independence to maintain contact with family and form other social relationships are supported and encouraged.

7. Willingness to be included in activities for shared experiences and growing new interests together.

8. Cooperation and willingness to work together to accomplish a mutually rewarding outcome.

The loving nature of women thrives on authentic connection with others and the security of true love with a partner. Women who struggle with Intimacy Disorders have difficulty developing, maintaining, and expressing appropriate levels of emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and sexual intimacy in relationships due to deeply rooted insecurities driven by fear of vulnerability, rejection, and abandonment. For women, the trauma of childhood attachment injuries can lead to a lifelong search for intimacy and value in the brokenness of Codependency, Love Addiction, and Sex Addiction. Learning to speak, behave, and self-protect in open and honest ways is the mark of healthy vulnerability and provider of intimacy in a relationship.

Women are uniquely designed for deep connections with others and long to have meaningful conversations and fulfilling experiences with those they love and respect.

Intimacy requires a foundation of unconditional regard and is defined as a freedom to be "my true self" in the expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs, without the risk of judgment or criticism.

For women, adverse childhood experiences of neglect, abuse, abandonment, and trauma can create a fear of intimacy that profoundly affects their ability to experience and express intimacy with themselves and others. Often, intensity in a romantic relationship is mistaken for intimacy or love.

Research has shown that women who experience abuse and trauma are substantially at higher risk for Substance Addiction and Intimacy Disorders.

Codependency and Love and Sex Addiction are Intimacy Disorders.

Love Addiction: A behavioral or process addiction that is characterized by an obsession with romance and compulsion to seek out romantic partners to increase a sense of security and self-worth. The intensity and infatuation felt in early stages of a romance are fueled by the seductiveness and power of the person being pursued. Sadly, the fantasy of commitment is met with realities of loneliness, emptiness, and abandonment. The emotional withdrawals of unfulfilled "LOVE" led to new obsessions and pursuits to find "TRUE LOVE."

Whether codependency, love addiction, or sex addiction, Intimacy Disorders will leave women broken and searching for worth and value where it does not exist- in another human being.

Fostering a sense of closeness in significant relationships, whether platonic or romantic requires a degree of trust and safety and achievement of different types of intimacy.

Types of intimacy that can be achieved in relationships include:

• Emotional intimacy: authentic sharing of personal feelings and emotional experiences.

• Intellectual Intimacy: satisfying and stimulating communication about thoughts, opinions, beliefs, preferences, visions, or dreams.

• Experiential Intimacy: closely sharing in an experience or event or physical activity that requires cooperative action, teamwork, or moving in unison to accomplish a goal or preferred outcome.

• Spiritual Intimacy: expressing personal values, philosophies for living, religious beliefs, or sharing in acts of worship, a poignant moment, or ceremonial rituals.

• Sexual Intimacy: sharing in mutually pleasing sexual acts in a manner that strengthens safety, trust, and emotional connection for both partners.

For women with Intimacy Disorders, the vulnerability required to risk being intimate in a relationship must be accompanied by an expectation of trustworthiness, understanding, and demonstration of caring from those with whom they are seeking intimacy.

Healing from the abuse and trauma at the root of intimacy disorder is a process. You will know that you are healing and on the path of recovery when you begin to experience and expect your primary relationships to offer you these qualities.

1. Trustworthiness has been established based on other persons reliable actions and respect for accountability.

2. Important information is relayed openly and honestly, even in conflict or lack of agreement.

3. Self-disclosure of thoughts, needs, desires, and dreams are encouraged and responded to with curiosity, acceptance, and willingness for discussion.

4. Emotional risk-taking is met with patience, sensitivity, and a request for clarification if there is a lack of understanding.

5. A sense of security is formed from experiences of acceptance when addressing differences or conflict.

6. Independence to maintain contact with family and form other social relationships are supported and encouraged.

7. Willingness to be included in activities for shared experiences and growing new interests together.

8. Cooperation and willingness to work together to accomplish a mutually rewarding outcome.

For women who have reoccurring unwanted thoughts, ideas, or sensations (obsessions) that lead them to feel driven to perform repetitive behaviors (compulsions), daily life is complex and exhausting! Attempts to challenge, logically dispute, or defy the excessive or unreasonable demands of such thoughts, impulses, or images, only cause more significant distress. Induced sleep, deliberate distraction, or escapism temporarily quiet the resounding symptoms, only to have them return.

Obsessions are recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that cause distressing emotions such as anxiety or disgust.

Some obsessions that are common in women include:

• Fear of getting contaminated by people or the environment.

• Fear of own children being harmed, taken, or contaminated.

• Disturbing sexual thoughts or images.

• Religious thoughts, preoccupation with guilty or shameful acts or fear of damnation.

• Extreme concern with order, symmetry, or precision.

• Recurrent intrusive thoughts of sounds, images, words, or numbers.

• Fear of losing or discarding something important.

• Fear of harming self with an object, such as a kitchen knife or automobile.

• Fear of blurting out obscenities or insults.

Compulsions are repetitive behaviors that a person feels driven to perform in response to

an obsessive thought. For women, engaging in these behaviors can prevent further obsessive thoughts or reduce the distress related to the obsession.

Some compulsions that are common in women include:

• Repeated cleaning of environments in which they live or have close contact with.

• Repeated cleaning or household objects, clothing, toys, or objects frequently touched.

• Excessive or ritualized handwashing, showering, brushing teeth or hair, or toileting.

• Applying and reapplying makeup in a particular order or with specific patterns of repetitions.

• Ordering or arranging things in a particular way.

• Repeatedly checking locks, switches, or appliances.

• Constantly seeking approval or reassurance.

• Repeated counting to a certain number of random counting of steps or objects that appear in multiples.

• Counting in multiples or performing certain acts a specific number of times.

For women, a diagnosis of OCD is only the beginning of understanding the disruptive effects this disorder has on daily life. Like a thief, it robs women of peace of mind and valuable time with loved ones. The hope for joy and lasting memories with others are often distressed by an excessively detailed list of tasks and the need to complete each one perfectly.

For many women, gaining an understanding of life events and trauma that put them at greater risk for obsessions and compulsions offers hope for a new freedom. We understand this unique connection for women and can help lead you to your own.

Trauma is a response women may experience when facing a deeply disturbing event or personal encounter that evokes intense fear, loss of control, overwhelming helplessness, and a sense of betrayal. The stress of repeated verbal, emotional, and physical abuse, sexual violation, domestic violence, a partner's infidelity, natural disasters, and violent combat can be traumatizing for women. When trauma symptoms include intrusive memories, pervasive avoidance, negative changes in thinking and mood and worsening of arousal responses, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) may be a more accurate diagnosis.

Symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder include:

• Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event.

• Flashbacks, night terrors or disturbing dreams of a traumatic event.

• Dissociative reactions to include brief episodes of complete loss of awareness.

• Intense or prolonged distress after exposure to reminders of traumatic experience.

• Avoidance of trauma-related thoughts or feelings.

• Avoidance of people, places, conversations, activities, or objects that trigger trauma reactions.

• Deprecating thoughts about self, others, or the world that are persistent.

• Overwhelming guilt or shame, with feelings of responsibility.

• Inability to recall critical factors of the traumatic event.

• Feeling detached from self, to include body, mind, emotions, or sensations-robotic like.

• Feeling constantly "on guard" or hypervigilant in most environments, easily startled.

• Waves of unexpected irritability, anger outbursts, or aggressive behavior.

Sharing with a trauma specialist the signs and symptoms you are experiencing and the duration and level of the intensity of these is critical for an appropriate diagnosis.

Beyond an initial clinical diagnosis, further trauma-related assessments are essential to complete with women to identify the daily trauma reactions in their lives. This part of the assessment process is life-changing and provides an accurate roadmap to healing for each woman.

Women who have survived traumatic life experiences, find hope in knowing that trauma recovery is a process that occurs in stages and requires patience and compassion from others and self-compassion from self.

The moral fortitude and willpower of a woman serve as no defense against the disease of addiction. Substance Addiction is a preoccupation with acquiring mood-altering substances, compulsive use despite adverse consequences, and patterns of continued use or relapse despite consequences. For women, alcohol, prescription stimulants such as Adderall, opiate pain medications, and the benzodiazepines Xanax and Klonopin are abused to cope with stressors or manage mental health and medical conditions. When abuse progresses to addiction, recovery rests not on the futile attempts to control use but on a decision to begin a new life based on abstinence and self-compassion.

Taking the first step to breaking the shame of secrecy that binds women to the trauma of addiction is a true act of courage. As critical as it is for women to work with a medical and clinical specialist that recognizes the very importance of gender differences when diagnosing and treating women with addiction disorders, it is for safety, relationship, and compassion.

For women, alcohol and drug addiction are related to biological differences and social and environmental factors that can uniquely influence the clinical presentation, consequences of use, effective treatment approaches, and long-term recovery management plan.

Women, Addiction, and Trauma: Sobering Facts

• Research has shown that biologically, women are more prone to addiction and experience a more rapid acceleration of the progression of addiction.

• Women's bodies undergo hormonal changes regularly and are more susceptible to the alteration of body chemistry that substance addiction brings.

• Eighty percent of women seeking treatment for addiction have a history of childhood neglect, abuse-emotional, physical, or sexual abandonment by primary caregivers, or trauma-induced responses to harmful experiences.

• Women with addiction disorders are at greater risk for undiagnosed co-occurring mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, bipolar, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

• Depression is a driving factor that leads to alcohol and drug abuse and eventually addiction, and women are twice as likely to experience depression in their lifetimes.

• Women who suffer from addiction have an exponentially higher chance of being victims of rape or sexual assault.

• Women seek medical attention more often for physical and mental conditions in which opiates, benzodiazepines, and amphetamines are prescribed, placing them at risk for abuse or dependence if not responsibly managed.

• Women are more likely to be introduced to substance use by a relationship partner with whom they have an emotional or trauma bond.

• Preexisting histories of codependency disorder and love addiction place women at greater risk for substance and other process addictions such as sex addiction and eating disorders.

• Women are more susceptible to relapse upon completion of primary treatment due to triggers related to intimate, romantic, or family relationships.

• The moral and psychological stigma for women with addiction is stronger- particularly for mothers who fear drastic consequences of losing custody of children, financial security,and marriage.

• Shame, guilt, and fear of judgment and rejection drive addiction in women and fuel isolation and avoidance of asking for help from a safe family or friends.

The medical and psychosocial model for treating women with substance addiction disorders have evolved to recommend gender-specific assessment and treatment that addresses biological factors, co-occurring mental health disorders, co-occurring process addictions/behavioral addictions, psychological effects of trauma, intimacy disorders, with marital and family therapy.

Our assessment and treatment process are adaptive to the unique differences and factors that women with addiction face. Each woman that we treat has a plan of care that is clinically tailored for their clinical needs and may include:

1) Identification and intervention for medical and psychiatric comorbidities

• Substance Addiction Disorders

• Process Addictions Disorders to include:

Sexual Addiction Disorders

Love/Relationship Addiction Disorder

Disordered Eating and Eating Disorders

Spending Disorder

• Co-Occurring Mental Health Disorders

Depression

Bipolar

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Anxiety/Panic/Obsessive Compulsive Disorders

2) Comprehensive Addiction and Trauma Assessment and Management

• Substance Abuse Subtle Screening Inventory

• Post-Traumatic Stress Inventory-Revised

• Sexual Dependency Inventory

• Sexual Dependence Media Inventory

• Money & Work Adaptive Style Index

• Eating Disorder Assessment

3) Identification of Interpersonal Relationship Patterns

• Adverse Childhood Experience Assessment

• Experience & Close Relationship Inventory

• Codependency Assessment Inventory

• Love Addiction Screening

4) Highly Relational Group Processes

• Addiction, Trauma, Mental Health Psychoeducation

• Intensive Group Therapy

• Intimacy Disorder Group

• Mindfulness Training

• Breath/Autogenic Training

• Trauma-Informed Yoga

• Experiential Group Therapy

5) Individuals, Couples, and Family Therapy/Education

"The Promises" in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous speak about the rewards of recovery for open-minded women willing to get honest with themselves and others.

Recovery and healing for women happen in the context of healthy relationships and include:

Community: we need the safety and wisdom of trained clinicians as well as other women in recovery to challenge the daily realities of our compulsions, obsessions, and shame that, when alone, will lure us back to danger and isolation.

When we are alone, we are most vulnerable to the deceptions of our addiction. The presence or access to others who can tell us the truth about ourselves, our true worth and value, and help us navigate through the impulses to drink or use.

In a safe community, we begin to "recover" our true selves and embark upon the experience of relating to others in honest and meaningful ways.

Accountability: We need others who are reliable, available, and willing to speak directly and honestly to us. We need people who know and understand our story and will hold us accountable for thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that put us at risk for relapse.

Being told the truth with compassion allows us to hear and begin to see the difference between who we truly are and how we have behaved in active addiction.

Twelve Step Work: A woman's path through the Twelve Steps depends on trauma issues, trust issues, and control issues. Knowing how to move through recovery task to a lifestyle of sobriety is answered in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of recovery.

Grounded in spiritual principles, these steps, when followed, will guide you in the daily actions necessary to "abstain" from addictive use/behaviors. Learning and practicing these steps will create a sustainable recovery that protects you and your loved ones.

With the help of The Twelve Steps and Twelve-Step community, women can achieve and maintain sobriety as they face the next phase of recovery, which involves healing from neglect, abuse, abandonment, and trauma.

Therapy, Treatment, and Medication: For some, abstaining from alcohol or other mood-altering substances is the first and necessary step before intensive therapy can progress in addressing the trauma wounds of neglect, abuse, and abandonment.

As women are experiencing the physical and psychological withdrawals of discontinuing their addiction, other untreated mental health symptoms may appear.

Alcohol and other mood-altering substances can mask and medicate undiagnosed mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and bipolar in women.

The need for specialized treatment and medication therapy for women with substance addiction is critical for sustainable recovery.

For women, beneath the shame that shrouds sex addiction is a preoccupation and pattern of excessive sex-related acts that take priority in daily life, an inability to limit time dedicated to sex-related acts, attempts to hide the extent of involvement in sex-related acts from friends or loved ones, and continuations of sex-related actions after exposure or serious medical or relational consequences. The rituals of seeking and securing means to engaging in sex-related acts become the organizing factor for each day. The neurochemistry of promiscuity, pornography, fantasy sex, trading sex, or pain exchange only worsens the wounds of loneliness that can only be healed by authentic connection.

Women being just as suspectable to sex addiction are more commonly diagnosed as love or relationship addicts when they exhibit the intensely physical realities of sexual addiction.

Both shame and the stigmatization of women's sexuality can add to a woman's gender-specific sex addiction risks. Sex addiction is considered a behavioral addiction or process addiction that is defined in part by a pattern of involvement in sex-related fantasy thought or behavior.

To accurately diagnose Sex Addiction in women, it is necessary to understand the interrelationship between love addiction and sex addiction.

Whereas love addiction is driven by the need for secure attachment, research has shown that women sex addicts tend to use Sex for power, control, and attention and prefer to do so using pornography, fantasy sex, seductive role sex, trading sex, and pain exchange.

The field of understanding and treating women with addiction disorders has responsibly evolved to recognize the neurochemical changes in the brain and the behaviors that mark the onset and continuation of "Substance Addiction" in women also happens with "Sex Addiction".

As with substance addiction, there are four criteria that indicate sexual addiction for women:

1) Compulsion: Continuous engagement in sex-related activities, although you want to stop or repeated failed attempts to stop permanently.

2) Obsession: Most waking hours are spent thinking about being sexual, recovering from being sexual, figuring out how to hide sexual activity, and planning the next sexual encounter.

3) Negative Consequences: Continuing in sexual activities despite adverse consequences.

4) Tolerance: A neurochemical, physiological change in the brain that requires either an increase in the frequency or time spent in sexual activities or higher-risk behavior to get the desired "high." What once was "enough" stops being "enough."

For treatment and recovery, understanding the mental, emotional, spiritual and relationship components of sex addiction for women is as crucial as understanding the biological factors or neurochemical changes that occur in the brain during sexual rituals and sexual acts.

It is critical to understand the link between childhood sexual abuse and sex addiction in women.

Sexual abuse survivors that are sexualized at an early age confuse sexual abuse with love, touch, and affection.

Researchers identified four underlying risk factors that make women more susceptible to sex addiction:

1) A childhood history of physical or sexual abuse, or exposure to physical or sexual abuse.

2) Lack of secure attachments or bonding between a child and parents, particularly a mother and daughter and maybe experienced in the form of emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual abandonment.

3) A primary response of shame towards one's sexual thoughts, feelings, behaviors or sexual preferences, or identity as a child.

4) Cultural beliefs that rigidly define permissible and socially acceptable or "normal" sexual behavior.

Taking the first step to breaking the shame of secrecy that binds women to their trauma and sexual addiction is an act of courage.

The Promises of recovery can and will come true when we are open-minded and willing to get honest with ourselves and others who understand the nature of sex addiction and offer direction for recovery and healing.

Recovery and healing happen in the context of healthy relationships and include:

Community: we need the safety and wisdom of trained clinicians and other women in recovery to challenge the daily realities of our compulsions, obsessions, and shame that, when alone, will lure us back to danger and isolation.

When we are alone, we are most vulnerable to the deceptions of our Sex Addiction. The presence or access to others who can tell us the truth about ourselves, our true worth and value, and help us navigate through the sexual impulses that are equally seductive are critical.

It is in a safe community that we begin to "recover" our true selves and embark upon the experience of relating to others in meaningful ways that are honest and non-sexual.

Accountability: We need others who are dependable, available, and willing to speak directly to us. We need people who know and understand our story and hold us accountable for our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that put us at risk for relapse, rituals, or acting out behaviors.

Being told the truth with compassion allows us to hear and begin to see the difference between who we truly are and how we have behaved inactive addiction.

Twelve Step Work: Knowing where to begin and how to move through recovery to a lifestyle of sobriety is answered in The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of recovery.

Grounded in spiritual principles, these steps, when followed, will guide you in the daily actions necessary to "abstain" from addictive use/behaviors. Learning and practicing these steps daily will create a sustainable recovery that protects you and your loved one from the disease of addiction.

With the help of The Twelve Steps and the Twelve-Step community, women can get sober and stay sober as they face the next phase of recovery, which involves healing from their trauma, sexual abuse, and abandonment.

Therapy, Treatment and Medication:

For women, abstaining from addictive behavior is the first and necessary step before intensive therapy can progress to address the trauma wounds of sexual abuse and abandonment.

As women are experiencing the emotional withdrawals of discontinuing their sex addiction, other untreated mental health symptoms, like depression and anxiety, may appear.

Sex addiction can mask and medicate undiagnosed, untreated mental health conditions for women.

The need for specialized treatment and medication therapy for women with sex addiction is critical to assess so they may succeed in their courageous efforts to "recover" their true selves and their lives.